gas prices just got a little bit higher
People make fun of me at work because when I am in the bathroom I like to get down to business and get out. Don’t follow me in and talk to me between stall walls. I find it unbelievably creepy. You already know what I am up to in here, and let’s not make it more apparent that you are trying to multitask while peeing.
Yesterday I really had to go to the bathroom. I had potato chips for lunch and they make everything go straight through me. Which most everything does already, but potato chips and I are enemies, but they taste o-so-good. On my way to the bathroom a manager stopped me to talk to me about something urgent and followed me to the bathroom because she had to go too. We go straight in and she keeps talking and talking and I stop listening partially because I can tell that I have to fart and there is no way to make it a pretty fart. There is no silent coming out of this one and it isn’t something you can hold back. And then it came out. Holy moley did it come out and make me feel like a total idiot. And of course I died a little in my heart. She could not have missed my fart, but totally talked through it from the other stall. I tried to get my composure back and not fall completely in the toilet from my lack of concentration on anything I was doing at that point. I knew she expected my participation in the conversation, but all I could muster was an “uhuh” and a cough. Because you know, a cough sounds almost EXACTLY like a fart. So cough a little and make it seem like you can’t hold back the frog in your throat so the fart can be explained away later.
We get out of the stalls and she is still talking and looks at me and says “I usually don’t like peeing in this bathroom because it always smells.” Oy really. Are you trying to say my FART WAS DEADLY!!! The shame. The utter shame of the moment. This is why I don't talk when I am in stalls. I need the anonymity.
And the ability to not claim my stink.
