Writing on the Wall

Not that I am promoting this guy to any of my girlfriends, but I thought a little shameless publicity for him would be interesting.  It looks like Rod is looking for a wife.  And if one of you decides to marry him, I expect that I will be receiving a $10,000 check for helping push you in the right direction.

Hey, he is cute, creative, and maybe rich, if he is willing to give me his money.  So take a chance.  And make the check out to me.

My sister forwarded the following news story to me this last week and I thought it took the cake for potential Darwin awards.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/wireStory?id=783516

If anything this guy should learn that drinking, smoking and riding in a car makes absolutely no sense.  I know that cigarettes have gotten expensive, but is it really worth it to almost kill yourself (instantly) for a puff?  You alerady know that at some point they will kill you, is he just choosing to help that process along?

If you are looking for something fun and worthy of wasting time on, check this out:

http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbuns.swf

If you go to their home page you will find plenty others, but this one just made me about pee my pants.  

I work for a very large company – has both it perks and it not so nice sides.  Great benefits, excellent pay, lots of bullshit and occasional freak out that I might lose my job.  All in all, I really like what I do.  It has its lull periods, but it can be quite hectic at times where I am pulling out my hair and almost to the point of tears. 

The best part is really the people watching at work.  You get all sorts of people working in a big corporation.  People with too many piercings, people with hair too dyed, and people with no sense of what people see of them.  There are a few I love to watch the most:

We have a woman here who walks everywhere and does laps around the building in her Reebok high-tops and 80’s ensembles.  They are brightly colored, highest shoulder pads I have ever seen, and bangs halfway back on her head.  She wears a radio headset like the old 80’s sets as well, with the big boxy radio in the headset portion.  I enjoy her blue eye shadow and her cocky attitude thinking she is all that and a bag of chips.  In reality I so badly want to stop her and say elastic belts 4 inches wide and shoulder pads that would make Jake Plummer jealous ain’t that pretty.  If you don’t help yourself, I am going to be forced to open a can of Oscar De La Renta or Targét Boutiqué and help your ass out.

Secondly I think it should be noted that wearing bar tops to work in a business causal office is not acceptable anytime during the week, whether it be Tuesday or casual Friday.  There is no casual Friday designation that suggests see-though tops are the best way to go when sitting in meetings all day with your boss’ boss.  Heck – don’t even add in the boss part, rather don’t make me stare at your cleavage all day while you flitter about thinking that you are the bee’s knees.  Just stop it.

So I did it people.  I sat and watched the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, aka.: "Brevin", show called Chaotic. I figured that I am a people watcher.  I love knowing what is up, and frankly this is the best way to find it all out.  So I put the tube to Brevin and I watched a mind zapping hour of pain and humiliation. 

The first starts with Brit's life leading up to Kevin.  She is crazy crazy crazy people. She talks about how lonely she is in her life, how she wants a person in her life.  She says that she never wants to get married, but then she walks around asking everyone else about marriage and their own sex lives.  This "woman" is obsessed.  She is seen smoking, talking trash about eminem, acting like an idiot (the boobs are my knees thing was enough). 

Then she meets Kevin, after two days talks him into going to the UK with her (while leaving his very pregnant girlfriend in the US).  They sit and talk about sex and life and what they think of marriage for longer.  Then, in her only creepy moment, talks about which celebrity she would marry.  She says Brad Pitt and comments "that in the next five years he will want a younger woman".  Bizarre.  Talk about foreshadowing.

She decides to talk their relationship to the next level where she pronounces three days into knowing him that she really likes him and they had sex three times that day.  Few words come to mind.  One begins with an 'S' and ends in 'lut'.  The next begins in 'S' and ends in 'tupid'.  But that just may be me.  I mean, I bet every girl in the world with $150 million to her name screws on the first date, but that just may be me.  (As an aside – do we truly know enough about these Olsen girls???)

So the episode ends with her going on the stage after being boinked 3 times and giddy with happiness.  She thinks he is the bees knees and at this point we really do believe he is there for the money and the gifts.  This girl is an idiot for some many reaons, starting with believing that this guy loves her and ending with this guy loves her. 

Ah the Bachelor is over.  I am kind of sad.  I really enjoy the first few weeks every time because I love watching people make asses of themselves.  However, the O'Connell guy picked the right girl.  First time I have seen that in a while.  I think the dating for 2 months of both girls was a good idea.  Stupid for the girls to put up with it, but smart for them to actually make sure they like one another.  I think that was the downfall with Jen Scheff.  She walked away and really walked away.  Really though – what girl in their right mind thinks – “I am in love with this guy and I am comfortable knowing that he is taking another girl to Aruba on the same trip he just took me.”

But here is a little recap for those of you who didn’t watch. (and my recap will be about a ½ page instead of the ridiculous 12 pages you get on TWOP – I love it, but I try to catch the recaplet so I get the dirt and none of the fuss).  The Bachelor gave us 2.75 hours of crap in which the emcee attempted to pull as much shit as possible out of his ass and then 15 minutes of happiness.  They showed only 5 seconds of the time that they spent together at their houses, made Sarah look like a complete Bitch (I like to think of her more as completely high strung and OCD – which is like me), and they made Krisayleigh look like the saint that was the only girl for him.  Then they did another 45 minutes on the time after the last date that they saw one another, which was like twice.  And then all of the time that they talked to one another and watching the show.  Then came the big break up, which at this point I had waited freaking 2.5 hours to see!  In his defense he broke up with her in the best way possible.  He kept her in the back room and told her that he was in love with Sarah B., which allowed her to save face in front of all of those people, and let them actually talk.  And she handled it quite well.  But she made the mistake of mentioning on the air that they hadn’t really been able to talk for the last month because he has been so “busy”.  This was total foreshadowing.  You know he kept talking with Sarah and just conveniently stopped talking to her like the leftover dog at the end.  And again, in his defense, what else would he have done?  And what girl would put up with this?!?!?  They talked to krisaylee for like 45 minutes after he said no to her.  Her scary grandmother said more inappropriate things, she looked beautiful and handled herself like a pro. 

Then the only 15 minutes of the show I should have watched!  2- 5 minute breaks left me with 2 seconds of satisfaction. They bring her out, he starts to cry saying he has loved her and always will and wants to be together.  She says she is moving to California to be with him. 

I am thinking that this is the last time that the show will ever air on TV.  They did mention that the last dude and the girl are getting married the first of next year and they just bought a house together.  I thought that was promising.  And Hopefully O’Connell dude and the non-psycho Sarah will end up together.  I am not holding my breath though.  I think she will have to dumb down and he will have to get an ounce of seriousness in his body. 

So I have been complaining to anyone that will listen to me.  I heard the new faith Hill song and I just don't get it.  Doesn't that song sound a heck of a lot like J-Lo's "Jenny From the Block" diddy that came out a few years ago?  I recognize the genres are completely different, but come on!  How many times does someone have to tell us they are keeping it real?  Shouldn't that explicitly give it away that you aren't?  Just to prove my point here are some of the lyrics:

J.Lo – Jenny from the Block

Verse 1:

From "in living colour" to movie scripts, to "on the 6",

To "j.lo" to this headline clips

I stay grounded as the amounts roll in

I'm real I thought i told ya I'm real even on Oprah

That's just me nothing phony

Don't hate on me

What you get is what you see.

Chorus:

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still I'm still jenny from the block
used to have a little now I have a lot
no matter where I go I know where I came from.

Verse 2:
I'm down to earth like this
Rockin' this business
I've grown up so much I'm in control and lovin' it
rumors got me laughing kid
I love my life and my public
put god first and cant forget
to stay real to me its like breathin'

Faith Hill - Mississippi Girl

Verse 1:

Well it's a long way from Star, Mississippi

To the big stage I'm singing on tonight

And sometimes the butterflies still get me

When I'm in the spotlight

And some people seem to think that I've changed

That I'm different then I was back then

But in my soul I know that I'm the same way

That I've really always been

Chorus:

Cause a Mississippi girl don't change her ways

Just cause everyone knows her name

Ain't big headed from a little bity fame

Still like wearing my old ball cap

Riding my kids around piggyback

They might know me all around the world

But ya'll I'm still a Mississippi girl

Verse 2:

Well I spent a few weeks in California

They put my face on the big movie screen

But that don't mean I've forgotten where I came from

That's just me chasing dreams

Now I love Faith, and we can definitely tell some differences here.  J.Lo talks up the bling, Faith sounds like she is in her jeans.  But really?  They are one in the same – "Stop fronting me because I am uber cool, and yet I am the coupon cutting homebody ya'll thought you knew".  Shut up.  We all know that I will be singing along in my car, because I too am not fooled by the rocks I got (aka.: cheap costume jewelry), but it will be done with a heavy heart that my girl Faith is going down this road.

(P.S.: don't think that this means I am not buying her CD.  Oh I will.)

My girlfriends and I have always joked around that we are supermodels.  In some way we are right: we got the looks, just not the height.  And we all like to eat.  Face it ladies: bean dip isn’t for anorexics.   But the self confidence and snootiness that took over Sarah W. on Monday night was an all time high for any woman.

The Bachelor was down to three ladies:  Sarah W., Sarah B., and something like Krisyaleigh or something as equally as lame (who does that to their daughter????).  His romantic overnights went with the girls like this:

1. Sarah W. – make out under water, make out on sand, talk for 2 seconds, strip down to nothing to make out in the water again.  Focus in on how Sarah wants to show him how wonderful she actually is and how she too can be fun and spontaneous and then not really show it in her horrendous little bathing suit that she basically wore for 7 days straight in the episode.
2. Sarah B. (MY FAVORITE) – sweet kiss on boat, lots of talking, dinner, sweet kiss at dinner, talking at his room, kissing, she telling him that she can’t spend the night. Acted like an ADULT - SHOCKER
3. Krisssyleeeeee – white trash chica freaking out about being around wealth. Thanking him for every little thing, fawning over him, asking him for sex on the stipulation that he doesn’t get rid of her, spending the night together. (Acted like a girl in sixth grade with her first crush on a boy, wore a dress that I SWEAR I wore to my seventh grade Valentine’s dance, but mine was purple and had those ridiculous elastic shoulder bands too, and I was so getting over a bad perm like this girl as well!!!!  The similarities stop here, let me assure you.)

The rose ceremony comes and he gets rid of Sarah W.  She proceeds to freak out by saying that she is so wonderful and the reason that he is getting rid of her is because she is so beautiful and that if she was going to win she needed to become ugly or something.  And that beautiful people deal with harsh criticism that is like a prejudice or RACISM thing.

To quote the ever famous Mr. Grow:

GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL

What happened to her in her life to think she is all that and a bag of chips????  Someone needs to put a mirror in front of her face and show her she ain’t that pretty when she starts talking about her beauty.  Someone might actually start to think that she is *gasp* VAIN, EGOTISTICAL, AND FREAKY.

Calm down Sarah W. and start to figure out what might be more important to all men: sense of humor, COMPASSION, a lack of a felony record for STALKING, and a perhaps personality. (and do some sit-ups – that cottage cheese belly didn’t help)

Happy 5/5/5!  Happy Cinco De Mayo!!!  Happy 224 days until Matt graduates from college!!!

School is almost out for the year and I can’t wait.  I have really enjoyed being back in school.  I love learning, working toward a goal, and meeting new people.  But this last month has been the death of me.

Mainly it is all because of my really wonderful Finance teacher.  If your definition of wonderful means “awful, boring, and redundant” than you and I are on the same wave length. To give an example of the man, we sat in front of him the first day and he started to twitch.  He would grab the right side of his hair, swoosh it back and then jerk around like there were ghosts surrounding him.  He does this at least once a thought process.  I thought it would go away, but apparently not.  And it gets worse as the night goes on.  He is addicted to caffeine and has an entire jug full of straight espresso.  So the moves get more jerky, the words become less coherent, and the teaching gets worse and worse.

Just as important are his dramatic pauses.  He wanted to do one more example, just one!  And then he stood in the middle of the room for what felt like 5 minutes without saying a word.  Then he jumped at the whiteboard like he was a magnet and it was attracted to him.  Weirdo.

Tonight is my last night with him before finals.  I will miss the teacher that I have given the award of “Man most likely to not teach a person a damn thing”.  May the next class prove me wrong.

~RLDW